Day 36-39 - Nachos, Cheese, and Amazement At The Grocery Checkout

Whether you're the host or the guest, entertaining friends usually involves food. There may be the occasional veggie platter, but it is customary to provide sugary drinks accompanied by fatty snacks. Adopting a healthier lifestyle shouldn't mark the elimination of visiting with friends, but it does symbolize the end of the late night chips, dips, cheese, crackers, and soda. The last weight-loss attempt had me completely avoiding social gatherings for fear of relapse, but this time I would have to learn to sit on my hands, and keep them out of the chip bowl. Visiting with friends this past weekend, it was determined that snacks were a necessity midway through the night. They graciously asked if I was going to be alright with this, knowing full well of my struggles. Not wanting to damper the festivities, I gave my approval, though not knowing how I would fare. I'd been able to resist similar temptations recently, but this situation was slightly different. It was a very small group, just the four of us, seated around a table playing cards and chatting. I'm very comfortable around these people, and they are of a select few in my life that make everything "OK". They have the ability to be very influential in decisions I may be struggling with, (meaning, they can turn up the peer pressure and I'll likely submit). So we went off to gather their supplies, Slurpees and nachos with cheese. Ironically enough, as we sat around the table with them dipping and devouring, the hot topic of conversation was my ongoing battle to resist the very thing they were eating and enjoying. It wasn't so bad to begin with, but it rapidly became to much to bear. Near the end of the feast, I sneaked to the kitchen and grabbed a stack of chips, quickly stuffing them in my mouth hoping no one would notice. I immediately felt a sense of failure sweep over me. I had taken pride in the discipline I had exercised over the past weeks, and it seemed to vanish in one split-second of weakness. I had to step back from the situation to keep myself from becoming completely disheartened. I realized once again, there's no letting up and there's no giving up. Even though I may have stumbled, I still have to get back up and keep going, no matter what sort of setbacks I may encounter. I've turned my shame into a lesson learned, and for that I feel more well-equipped to handle these adversities.

Later in the week, I shuffled to the fridge to find that provisions were running low, and I'd have to make a stop at the grocery store. It's not usually a complicated visit, normally beginning and ending in the same area. With all of the distractions and impulse items meticulously placed throughout the store, even a short trip to buy fruits and vegetables can be a test of will. I gathered up a week's worth of fresh produce, and bustled past the bulk food aisle where the urge to snag a solitary M&M or candied peanut thankfully subsided as quickly as it materialized. I made it to the cashier's line unscathed, began unloading my botanical delight onto the slightly stained rubber belt, and as I waited for the family in front of me to finish up, I took note of their bounty. Bags of chips, bottles of soda, boxes of cereal, pre-fab dinners, snack bars, puddings, and crackers. Not a fruit or vegetable in sight. As the cashier began to weigh and bag my items, she sent me a glance and a smirk. "These are the healthiest groceries I've seen all day.", she told me. This isn't the first time I've been notified of this. In fact, given the right circumstances (a friendly, talkative cashier), I'm confronted about my choice of comestibles more often than not. It really shouldn't be that way, but it is for many reasons, namely cost and convenience. The total cost for my week's worth of fresh produce rivaled that of the family of three that had just preceded my place in line. Already operating on a tight budget, I've had to modify my lifestyle in more ways than just food intake and activity to make this healthy adjustment. I have to look at these fresh foods as an investment towards my good health. Sacrificing materialistic luxuries to be able to afford to eat healthier is just another adjustment that had to be made. It may be more cost effective in a monetary sense to buy cheap, fast and unhealthy food options, but at what cost to one's health?

On that note, I have been negligent to my workouts for the past few days. I'm unsure whether it is because of fatigue, or sheer laziness, but either way, I'll have to step it up again starting immediately. I've also stopped recording my weight on a daily basis. Seeing the number haphazardly jump around was becoming an increasingly frustrating aspect in an already irritating process. Weigh-ins will be relegated to Monday mornings, and that is that. I'm pushing to be into the 240's by the next weigh-in, and I'll also begin taking measurements on a monthly basis for more encouragement and incentive. Where the scale may fail me at times, hopefully the tape measure will provide a more positive outlook. The snail-like pace of this process is taking it's toll on me, but I must remain patient and persistent if I want this to be a permanent change.