Day 15 - A Good Day Goes Wrong...For No Reason

Two weeks in, and my situation was going well. Down 2.4 pounds from last week, and down 6.4 from the beginning. On pace and on track, though I felt mentally clouded. I didn't think much of it. There was no reason to be anything but positive, so I figured whatever it was would iron itself out.

I arrived home from work still in a sort of haze. "Perhaps it's the weather", I thought to myself, as I peered out the window to observe the overcast skies that had lingered for the duration of the day. Dreary, damp, dark, chilly. The weather was indeed reflecting my mood, but was it influencing me? No time to worry about that, I had a busy night ahead. I assembled a delicious supper meal, a sort of "pita pizza". Whole wheat pita, diced tomatoes with spices (essentially a bruschetta topping), mushrooms, red peppers and jalapenos, topped with two thin pieces of cheese. I put that bad boy in the toaster oven until the pita was crispy. Outstanding. Tasty food is normally a guaranteed "pick-me-up", but even that couldn't bust me out of my funk. There I sat, mindlessly flipping through channels as though the answer would magically be broadcast across the airwaves at that precise moment. My wife arrived home and I leaped to my feet to greet her. I opened the door, locked her in an embrace, and instantly felt better. She's a guaranteed emotional restorative for me.

Feeling energized I headed to my office. I've got a full night ahead of me, putting the finishing touches on my preparations for an upcoming recording session. As a true passion of mine, writing and playing music is a wonderful stress release, so I approached it with a positive mindset, trusting that it would bring my body and mind back into harmony. The songwriter was initially going come over to rehearse, but I thought to save him the trip by recording my parts at home and sending them his way for instant review and amendments. Technology certainly is astounding. After he sent the first revision back, I was stressed. I had absolutely no reason to feel that way, being fully capable of providing the changes he'd requested, but my mind just seemed to be unfocused and flooded. Over the next while, we exchanged ideas and thoughts via e-mails, but I was feeling worse by the minute. He's a good friend of mine, so I called him up to discuss the latest group of revisions, to take a break from the undue pressure I seemed to be putting on myself, and to just say "hi". The impersonal nature of our electronic conversations were becoming too much to bear, and in hindsight, I probably should have had him come over. We had a good long talk, I hadn't spoken with him over the phone for a while, and we shared a few good laughs mixed in with analysis of the music and of my current mental state. I couldn't come up with a definitive reason as to "why", I just knew I wasn't feeling well emotionally. I decided to call it a night, and I was looking forward to spending a little time in front of the TV before hitting the workout routine. That usually makes me feel better.

After we watched about 30min of TV, I just couldn't be moved off that couch. Feeling as glum as ever, I wasn't motivated to workout. With my wife snoozing on my shoulder, there I sat, blankly staring as the light emanating from the TV bounced across the walls of the living room and illuminated my face from time to time. I saw the shapes and heard the sounds being transmitted, but my mind wasn't registering them as entertaining or informative. It was time to rest my weary head. I gently brushed the hair from her face which caused her to stir ever so slightly. "Time for bed.", I told her with a smile. We headed to bed much earlier than normal, and though I hadn't physically worked out, I felt completely drained. Perhaps the late nights from the weekend past were catching up with me. Here's hoping that a solid night of rest brings a much healthier, energized and motivated tomorrow.