Day 3 - Revelation, Inspiration, and Inner Demons

Day 3 began similarly to the few that have preceded it. Get up, get clean, step on scale. Still heading in the right direction. Every day seems to provide a new story to tell, and this day is no different.

Around 9am, my wife sends me an e-mail, entitled "Good Morning, or is it?", and my heart sank a little. She always seems to be afflicted with more aches and pains than the average person should be known to bear, and I assumed that she was again in her own personal agony. Poor girl. Well, I open the message, and I discover that she's feeling fine. Well, sort of. She had stepped on the scale shortly after I left for work, and was none too pleased with the number staring back at her. Another milestone was reached in our home, one that couldn't have come at a better time, at least in my opinion. It appears my own personal revelations, coupled with her new personal benchmark, have put her gears in motion. I finish the e-mail with a broad smile on my face. Actions apparently DO speak louder than words, and I'm completely pumped about it. Chest-puffed, shoulders back, standing proud. We're going to do this together, for both of us.

Let's go back a few days. While I was at the store buying my latest pair of pants, I stopped to chat with someone I hadn't seen in some time. All the while, I was holding said pants in my hands. Now I don't need to tell you that these pants were big. Big brown pants. I was fully participating in the conversation, but at the back of my mind was lingering doubts and pangs of self-consciousness. Without getting deep into an internal monologue here, I was analyzing if he noticed how much weight I'd packed on since our last encounter, how truly mammoth these pants were, and constantly checking his line of sight to see if he's taking a mental note of any of my physical features that may be offensive. Man-boobs come to mind. Moobs. I've got them, and it's not pleasant. They are perkier than most, not quite as womanly as some, but they are there, and I know it. He knows it. I also know that he could truly care less about my physical appearance at this moment, we're busy catching up on years gone by. But I still think about it. We part ways, exchange e-mails, all is well for the moment. Oh no. Someone else is approaching me with an outstretched hand and warm smile. What do I do? I could run, but that would only draw attention. Conversation initiated, no backing out now. Lather, rinse, repeat. "Hey, hey! I'm up here, buddy. Eyes forward."

Now that may seem a little extreme, but that's how my mind can work, and I doubt I'm the only one. I see it all the time. Larger people wearing larger clothes that still cling to every bump, curve and nook. Blousing out the bottom of your shirt every 5 minutes to get that fabric off of your skin, providing a split-second of relief from the self-consciousness stemming from being this monstrous. I know the feelings, they are some with which I am far too familiar.

The remainder of Day 3 was very pleasant indeed. Training went well, improving yet again over the previous days numbers (2miles/30:00, 150 crunches, 30 push-ups, 20 dips). I also stayed honest with myself and kept the eating under control. It truly is a daily struggle. Temptation is a foul beast with which I will forever battle. Each day, each moment, can be a skirmish unto itself, but it is the WAR with which I strive to emerge the victor. Day 3 is complete; well-fought and victorious I stand. But the challenges of Day 4 are mere hours away...